Her status switched to “OOO — family emergency” on Tuesday. By Friday: “Back to work — sorry for the delay 😔.” You found out through the team channel. Her cat of 16 years.
Now you’re staring at Slack. Cursor blinking.
Do you DM her? React with a 🤍 and move on? Pretend you didn’t see it?
This is disenfranchised grief territory — the kind that falls between the cracks of normal sympathy protocols. A coworker isn’t quite a close friend. A cat isn’t a grandmother. There’s no bereavement policy, no office flowers.
And yet you feel the pull to say something. That instinct is right. Here’s what to do.
First: the awkwardness is on our side, not theirs
She’s not going to think your DM is weird. She’s going to think silence is weird.
When someone loses a pet, the sharpest pain often isn’t just the loss — it’s the quiet that follows. Coworkers ghost it. Someone brings up the Q3 report two hours later like nothing happened.
One r/petloss thread put it plainly: “The worst part wasn’t losing her. It was coming back to work and realizing no one even acknowledged it. Like she never existed.”
You don’t want to be that coworker. Here’s how not to be.
What to say in the first 24 hours
Keep it short. Keep it warm. Don’t overthink it.
Step 1 — Send a DM. Don’t rely on a reaction emoji.
A 🤍 in a public channel says “I saw this.” A DM says “I see you.”
Examples that work:
- “Just heard about [cat’s name]. I’m so sorry. Thinking of you.”
- “I know [cat’s name] was everything. Not asking you to do anything — just wanted you to know I’m here.”
- “No words needed from you — just wanted you to know someone noticed.”
First-message template — copy and paste this:
Hey [name] — just saw about [cat’s name] and I’m so sorry. 16 years is so much love. No need to respond — just wanted you to know someone’s thinking about you. 💙
What to say at the one-week mark
This is where most coworkers disappear. Don’t.
The first day, a few people reach out. By day 5, everyone’s back to normal. But she’s still on video calls trying to hold it together. Week 2 is often harder than week 1 — and a single check-in from you will land more than three messages on day one.
Step 2 — Send a low-pressure check-in
Don’t ask “how are you doing?” — too open-ended to answer honestly in a work context. Name the pet instead. It tells her you still remember.
Examples:
- “Still thinking about [cat’s name] this week. Hope you’re being gentle with yourself.”
- “Hey — no agenda. Just didn’t want you to feel forgotten.”
One-week check-in template — copy and paste this:
Hey [name] — still thinking about [cat’s name]. No need to respond — just didn’t want you to disappear into the void over there. 🤍
What NOT to say
Even well-meaning messages land wrong. Skip these:
- “At least she had a long life.” — Still minimizes. 16 years still feels short.
- “You can always get another cat.” — Never. Not ever.
- “I know how you feel — I lost a pet too.” — Don’t center yourself right now.
- “Let me know if you need anything.” — Too vague. She won’t reach out. Be specific or skip it.
- “Everything happens for a reason.” — Hard no.
The bigger picture
There’s no bereavement leave for pets. She had to file it as a “family emergency” just to get a few days. She probably scrolled through 3,000 photos that first night, slept on the couch because the bedroom felt too empty, and came back to Monday standup wearing the professional face.
Your message breaks that isolation. And if you want to give something that actually lasts — a hand-crafted tribute from Paws in Clouds lets you gift a cinematic video built from her favorite photo of that cat. Ready in 48 hours. The kind of thing that gets rewatched, not shelved.
You already know the right move
You’re reading this because you care enough to get it right. That instinct is the whole thing.
Pet grief is real grief. That bond — 16 years of morning routines, of being known without words — doesn’t have a human equivalent. Your job isn’t to fix it. It’s to witness it.
One short DM. Her cat’s name. Zero pressure. That’s it.
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